Open House, Stolen Signal

So I'm at a brokers open house, which means that a property is for sale and is opened up between certain hours of a certain day simply for other real estate professionals to "preview" the property for their potential clients. Some people who are new in the business swing by these open houses to get a feel for what money can get their clients in certain neighborhood, some agents come to get a head start on viewing properties they might show to a specific client later, etc. Either way, it gets your property exposure to other real estate people and hopefully increases its visibility. For me, however, it means I'm standing (not sitting) in an empty 3300 square foot "loft-like townhome" with an "expansive" floorplan, "stunning" roof deck and zero furniture. Yes, these clients have been gone for months now and you guessed it, they took their furniture with them to Florida. What a concept. Works for them, blows for me.

I brought my laptop with me to work this morning knowing that I would be at this open house for two hours and hoped to God that some foolish person didn't protect their wireless internet signal. Bingo. Works for me, blows for them. Actually they probably could care less. I've got my grande sugar free, fat free, grande vanilla latte. I've got my copy of the free "Red Eye" newspaper as printed by the Chicago Tribune, and I've got you. Thanks for stopping by to help entertain me. Hopefully I can return the favor.

What's especially neat about this place is all the hardwood floors and 12 foot ceilings. What's especially NOT neat about this place at this very moment is that it's freezing. What's also not neat is the smoke detector that has apparently run out of batteries and is CHIRPING every 5-8 seconds and echoing through the entire 2nd level at a shrill decibel. I'd smack the sucker off the ceiling but it's too damn high to reach (see: "neat 12 foot ceilings"). It's really not too bad but lets be honest, it's uncomfortable to stand for two hours and listen to the shrieking smoke detector warning me of my impending doom. I'll re-think starting that fire in the corner to heat the place up. I like chairs. Wish I had one right now.

Wow there's an advertisement in the Red Eye about a demonstration that shall take place today demanding that President Bush "step down." Really? Seems like a lot of effort when I doubt the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES (like him or not) is going to think: "hmm, some lazy fucks who either don't have jobs or skipped out on them in the MIDDLE OF THE DAY to march around Daley Plaza in Chicago want me to leave office. Welp Laura, lets pack our bags." I hate people who make noise just to hear themselves make noise. Like the smoke detector. CHIRP!

I wonder if they left any food in their fridge before they moved 6 months ago? Be right back..

Nope.

Okay, do the E-harmony.com commercials give you a REALLY happy feeling inside? Cause they really do it for me. I kinda stop what I'm doing every time I hear it on in the background and pay special attention to the TV. My friend and I always talk about how they just make you feel all good inside and you ALMOST want to log on just to make sure that your soulmate doesn't keep looking in vain while you so selfishly ignore them right under your nose. "This will be.. an everlasting love.. THIS will be.. " etc. It's like "awh, they found each other!!" And you kind of are a little bit thankful for the 29 dimensions of compatibility that they pitch so fervently. After all, how would those whimsical people have found one another had it not been for e-harmony's proven scientific method of making a love match?!

FORTY FIVE MORE MINUTES TO GO!

An agent just came through a minute ago and called this place "cute." Kittens are cute. Children's movies are cute. This monster sized condo, however, not "cute." Neither was the agent. NEXT!

*CHIRP* (smoke detector. Didn't want you to forget I'm still dealing with that noise every few SECONDS).

I just heard noises downstairs. I'd go check, but it seems like about as much effort as the demonstration planned downtown later today. Probably with an equally uneventful outcome.

I don't know about you but I'm sort of ready for Jared (of Subway fame) to put the weight back on. Besides, now he's just a moderately out of shape, maybe 2-8 pounds overweight kinda guy. It's not like he has some bitchin' bod or anything these days. Go on Jared, eat up. Just get fat again. I'm bored with you. When I go into Subway, I always want to ask the person behind the counter why I didn't lose any weight right after I finish consuming my meal. Then I'd like to demand a refund.. and a cookie (and possibly change for a dollar to pay the parking meter).

I gotta pee, hope the toilet is still up to par! be right back...

Yep! Worked. Good thing I didn't have to make a deuce. They took their toilet paper with them to Florida too! By the way, I misspoke earlier. They did leave approximately 7 eggs in the fridge. Dare me to try and make an omelet on their grill?

Okay, 15 minutes left. I'm gonna wrap it on up!
Peace out!
M