Open Letter

Dear People who are in charge of paving roads in Chicago,

Please get to paving on Lake Shore Drive north of Irving Park cause I'm about to go out there and do it myself using super glue and the other limited craft utensils I own.

I was cruisin' down "The Drive" today and it was like playing a goddamned video game of "Dodge the giant canyon in the road" or "Try Not To Hit the Land Mines That Make Your Tires Blow and Sound Like You're Bottoming Your Car Out When You Go Over Them."

Although both of those games sound fun in electronic format, I can promise you that they're not fun at 55mph in real life format.

By the way, why do you only not give a fuck about the condition of the road north of Irving Park? South of there it's like driving on marshmallowie clouds of soft goodness. North of Irving, on the other hand, is stressful. I grew up in Texas and have driven gravel and dirt roads through MANY-a-ranch and those were like a brand-new thoroughfares in comparison.

Now, I realize that the roads in Chicago are terrible in large part due to our climate. 6 months of the year this city is about as tropical as a Donner Party trail ride through the Sierra Nevadas and then it can get hotter than the most demonic region of hell in the summer, but COME ON. What magical pavement are you using on the parts of the road that go through Lincoln Park, Gold Coast, etc?!

Tip: Use that same special pavement on the rest of Lake Shore Drive as well- it will make driving more fun. Darting back and forth to dodge chunks of pavement and aw-inspiring pot holes isn't fun OR safe.

PS- (not to you, road people, but to my readers) The number one way my blog is being found on accident via google searches these days is "Mom is a cheater" or "Cheating Mom" or some other variation of the phrase. The connection is being made because of a post I wrote a YEAR ago regarding the creepy Christmas song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" wherein I discussed how that makes mom a cheater and Santa a skeeze, but I never received hits from that search phrase before now. Turns out there must have been a new porn flick in the past year about a naughhhttty cheating momma, cause it's gettin' Googled across the globe lately.

Sincerely,
M.db