Counter Lickin' Good

I just saw a preview for a new movie starring Ryan Philipe (or however the hell you spell his f*ed up name) and was thinking about how him and Reese Crazy-chin-witherspoon aren't together anymore. Breaking up is hard enough when you have to see the person around town. I mean I know when I sever ties, in some cases, I wish the person would just move to China or something rather than me having to run into them at Walgreens when I'm picking up face wash, coffee filters and a Cadburry Cream Egg. But imagine having a Hollywood break-up? The person you break up with would appear in your living room on a movie preview when you're just trying to enjoy a quiet Friday night on the couch watching TV with a cup of coffee and perhaps eating a Cadburry Cream Egg?! You can't really avoid a person when they weasel their way in front of your face via channel 12.

You know what phrase I am utterly and disgustingly tired of hearing on TV? "Women who are nursing, pregnant or may become pregnant." Every medication advertised in the entire world is not good for "women who are nursing, pregnant or may become pregnant," just fyi, and they say it on every commercial while listing the side-effects. And, since women are the only sex of the two sexes that can actually get pregnant.. aren't all women under the blanket of "may become pregnant?" Maybe not, I don't know, just something to think about. (Please don't post a comment saying "no they mean women who are trying to get pregnant.. and besides some women can't have children." I know, I get it, it's called a rhetorical question).

So, with Southwest Airlines' recent issues with safety inspections/violations in mind (much of which I feel is unfair as they were made an example of over something that is widespread throughout the airline industry, but that's another story) they need to change their slogan from "You are now free to move about the country" to "You are now free to move about the country at risk of this plane disintegrating in mid-air."

Dear girls of the world,
Not everyone can pull off that outfit of the matching Juicy Couture velvet-like sweat pants and matching zip-front jacket. Please make sure you are one of the girls who can indeed pull it off before you slide that thing on over your fat ass and prance around town like you're in pajamas. I'm tired of seeing you look like you rolled out of bed 10 minutes ago yet somehow managed to put sunglasses on but not make anything else about you presentable.
Love,
Me.

Something that is so typically me is trying to do things myself, or make some sort of improvement in my home, yet in the process causing bigger problems than those I was trying to solve in the first place. Example: I am the type of person who will try to save the money of hiring a painter by painting my living room myself. Instead, I end up spilling paint all over the floor thus requiring the floors to be re-done and costing more money than it would have to just hire someone else (a professional someone else) to do the paint job for me in the first place. This particular example never happened, but it's just an example. Tonight I decided to clean my kitchen and thought I'd be EXTRA clean and Windex the counter even behind the coffee maker and the wine rack. Instead I made an even bigger mess than I was trying to clean as I pulled the wine rack towards me and a wine bottle slid out of the back of the rack and shatter all over the counter. 750ml of red wine began to flow in every direction, down the cabinets and raced its way towards both my laptop and the stack of work papers that were nearby. A quick clean-up of the kitchen turned into a roll of paper towels wasted, a t-shirt ruined and about 20 minutes of additional work. Proving my point again: less headache if I just hire someone else to do it, even if "it" is just cleaning my damn counters. Of course the broken wine bottle wasn't one of the three bottles of cheap "2 Buck Chuck" wine from Trader Joe's. No, it was a bottle some friends brought over one night when I hosted them at my place. I had been saving it to drink later and looked forward to trying it. I loved the bottle shape, too. I almost licked some of the wine off the counter (not lying) just to taste the wine I had been saving for weeks. There were tiny pieces of glass everywhere though, so I figured it might not be a good idea.

I bought a chair today that I had to assemble myself (another thing someone else should do for me). A 10 minute process turned into over an hour of happy-fun-project time because the chair (my luck) was put together incorrectly so, long story very short, I had to drill my OWN holes in the wood with my own power tools to put the thing together properly. The chair was such a bargain but by minute number 47 into the assembly I wished I had just paid 900 bucks for a chair at Room and Board and called it a day. I'm happy with it now though.

Well, that's about all.
M.db