McObamaCain Graham Cracker

As a former fattie I understand the importance of feeding a sweet tooth (and feeding in general). This evening after a couple glasses of red wine and a hot bath I decided that the tilapia with a side of steamed green beans I ate at 6pm wasn't holding me over any longer. It was clear I needed something more, something sweet. It's been 3 hours since dinner... three hours too long. Now, logic would have me make the short elevator ride down to my dealer to buy me a fix. My "dealer" is the building market on the ground floor. It's my "dealer" because I always purchase things there that are bad for me. Sodas, ice cream, cake batter (yes, that has happened) and alcohol- basically I'm just a few substances away from buying something illegal there like a dime or possibly something I could free-base, assuming I knew what free-basing entailed.

So, fresh off of my wine-jacuzzi experience I stood in my kitchen, naked, with a towel wrapped around my head like a turban, not because I needed to dry my hair but because I was tired of it falling off my waist. Plus it looked funny in the full length mirror every time I danced by it to the music playing from my iTunes. I opened the fridge, the freezer and the cabinets.. nothing. What would fix my craving?

"Be resourceful," I told myself "there's absolutely no reason to put clothes on and waste your time and money going downstairs when you could find something RIGHT here."

And find something I did. It was tough, but I did scrounge up some ingredients. A box of graham crackers, powdered sugar, a banana, cocoa powder and fat-free liquid coffee creamer. There was other stuff available, yes, but onions, salsa, gold fish and Kashi cereal wouldn't heal my desires. So, like a boy scout, or maybe an insatiably obese version of MacGuyver, I used what little materials I had to find a solution to my current problem.

A homemade chocolate icing-like-mixture (made with the powdered sugar, coffee creamer and cocoa powder) with 3 graham crackers smashed into it and topped with banana slices. "Disgusting!" you might exclaim, and I'll be honest I am not going to disagree with your sentiments. I will say, however, that with a lil' creativity, a few simple ingredients and a mild-to-moderate wine buzz, I'm now fairly convinced you can make sense out of any dilemma.

Hey, maybe Barack Obama could take the few simple ingredients that are his political experiences, use a lil' creativity and booze himself up a bit! Then, like me solving the issue of my sweet tooth, he could solve the mystery behind so eloquently rambling about change for months with no realistic ideas on implementation. Ohhhhhhhhhh I just got all political on your ass! Let's not go there (and calm the fuck down, it's a joke).

But speaking of things that are a seemingly appealing quick-fix to current problems yet have absolutely no substance and are probably detrimental to your well-being in the long run... here's a picture of my gross dessert creation. I'd tell you the exact proportions I used but I'm considering selling the recipe to Appleblee's and I'm not interested in you beating me to the punch. I think I'll actually vote for this graham cracker thing in the 2008 election as a write-in candidate. It probably has more political experience than Obama and is a lot younger than McCain. Win-win. We shall call it McObamaCain-Surprise and it will rule with an iron fist!



Very Truly,
M.db

oh, and if you dare comment on the political jokes/references (remember, just jokesssss) made in this post I swear to God I will punch you...I'll punch you right in the hand you use to VOTE. Then I'll make fun of you for taking things too seriously and having a gimp hand with no voting abilities.