Push 'em.. PUSH 'EM ALL!

I've never wished I could vomit up everything I've eaten more in my life than I do now. Well, maybe a few other times, but tonight definitely is one of them. I went to dinner with Brian to try this new burger place and we decided to run the full gamut, you know to get a real sense for all the place has to offer. Two cokes, a premium cheeseburger, french fries, side of ranch and a chocolate-peanut butter malt later and here I am! Not quite sure how the elevator got me back upstairs because I think its max weight load is about 3,000 lbs and I'm certain I'm tipping the scales at 3,002 lbs after dinner. Ughhh so full.

When I was in the elevator just now a man got in with his dog at the same time I did. As I've mentioned before, sometimes I have a hard time NOT talking to someone in a quiet elevator when there's only two of us. It's almost like a game I play with myself wherein if I think of something small-talkish to say I then have this compulsion that I HAVE to say it or ELSE. It's like an internal bet I make with myself. For instance I'll think silently: "hmm that guy's dog has cool coloring" and I'll start to say it but think "eh, just be quiet." And then I'll instantly challenge myself: "if you DON'T say it by the time the elevator reaches.. floor 18 you have to hit your head against the side of the elevator three times and then push ALL the buttons. Hmm?! HMM?! which would you rather?" (just an example). So, naturally, I just say it so as not to lose the bet with myself and have to do the crazy alternative I've come up with. The problem is, once I've had all this internal conversation going on in my head; I go to actually speak and something weird usually comes out like "nice colors!!" all frantic and hasty so as to get it out before floor 18, in this example. This leaves the recipient of my comments to wonder why I have a non-vulgar form of tourettes and just exactly what I am talking about. The carpet color? The elevator's wall colors?

It wasn't that dramatic just now, though. The guy's dog in the elevator did have a really interesting coat and coloring so I said "he's got pretty coloring," and the guy was super nice and said "thank you" because apparently he's God and he created the dog and therefore can take responsibility for its interesting coloring. jk he was nice, what else could he say? "I'm not responsible for my dog's coloring"?

Wow craziest post ever.

Anyhow, he then started doing something that isn't that unusual but is none the less irritating if you really think about it. He went into dog-speak. Lots of people do this with their pets or their children who can't yet speak. He changed his voice and said, in what I suppose was his interpretation of how his dog would sound if he had the means to speak and said: "he said 'I've been inside ALLLL day! Yes I have, yes I have!'"

Um, no he DIDN'T say that, sir, and you know how I know he didn't? Because dogs can't talk! They simply lack that ability. I quickly and uncomfortably changed the subject to discuss the fog outside they must have just walked through and what funky weather we're having, so as not to accidentally tie myself into a conversation where maybe I would be required to speak "dog" as well. I thought about maybe making my fist into the shape of a hand-puppet and proclaiming on my fists behalf: "and HE says 'I've been attached to Mason's ARM all my LIFE! yes I have!'"

I didn't, of course, do or say that. But because I didn't I obviously lost a bet with myself, and after he got off the elevator I had to bang my head against the wall three times and push all the buttons.

G'night!
M.db