One at a Time

What's my problem, I mean seriously. Why do I feel the need to multi-task everything. Not in an efficient way even, but more like a ridiculous "just calm down and do one thing at a time, MASON" way.

For the past few minutes I have felt like I really wanted some chapstick on my lips (I'm addicted to Burt's Bees and it's always in my pocket). So I reached into my pocket to get the ole' Bees out. No big deal to apply some, right? Sure, but I was peeing at the time. Sorry for the visual here but one hand was clearly occupied during this and I found myself standing at the toilette trying to not only fish the Burt's Bees from my pocket with one hand, but also remove the lid (using only two fingers), apply the chapstick one-handed and replace it back into my pocket. Finally I just threw it across the bathroom onto the counter out of frustration. Not frustrated that I couldn't accomplish the task but rather frustrated that I was actually trying to do those two things at once. "JUST WAIT!" I actually said outloud. Do it in like 2 minutes.. geeze.

Earlier today I was putting on my tennis shoes to go to the gym. I had one shoe on, half tied, when I noticed a pair of gloves on my kitchen counter next to me. I had been meaning to put them away all day long and kept forgetting. So what did I do? I thought to myself "I better do it now before I forget yet again." With one shoe on, half tied, I hopped into the bedroom with the gloves in one hand and the other shoe in my other hand. Why not just WAIT!! Why not finish putting your shoes on and then go take the gloves?

I often leave my place and head down the hall towards the elevator with my jacket not yet put on, keys, phone, gloves, scarf, wallet and sunglasses all in my arms and put the stuff on or in my pockets once I reach the elevator bank and have already pushed the down button. You see, somehow in my mind this is saving time because the 20 second period of time that I would typically just be idling waiting for the elevator to arrive, I can now make useful by finishing to dress. Most normal people, I assume, get themselves ready before they walk out the door. Keys in pocket. Glasses on face. Jacket on body, etc etc. Why can't I do that?

There's no need to consolidate time in this manner.

Chapstick can be put on after I flush the toilette.

I could wait until I'm done pouring the coffee into my cup and the pot is set down before I start pouring the creamer in AND opening a packet of Splenda all at the same time with my other free hand.

When I forget something in my condo upon leaving, I don't NEED to fling the door open and try to run into the bedroom and retrieve the forgotten item and get back to the front door before it closes again.

I'm the guy who washes his face in the shower with one hand and tries to shampoo his hair with the free hand.

Breathe! One at a time.

With all of this in mind you would THINK I'm super efficient in all areas of my world. I can't claim that though because being 100% efficient seems like a lot of effort. Rather, all I can claim is impatience.. even with myself.

I'm surprised I'm not vacuuming my bedroom at the same time as I write this.

Like I said, you'd think I was crazy organized and efficient judging from my odd need to multi-task everything I do, but I'm just too lazy to be as anal as my mind tries to make me. Instead I attempt to do everything at once when I have things to accomplish to save as much time as possible. That way there's extra hours in the day to sit on my ass, stare at the wall and drink a glass of wine. I guess it all comes out in the wash:)

G'night,
M.db

Archives

I was on the phone with Brian tonight and he played a little game with me called "name the year and month of this blog post." I guess he had been reading my blog and decided to quiz me on my own life. Brian is an avid reader of my blog but more importantly a supporter of my life, in general, that I couldn't do without. I digress. Anyway, in this game that Brian created he would read me an excerpt from an entry in my old blog archives and I was supposed to try to remember what I was talking about and when it occurred. In other words he was going back into the archives to a random year, month and day, then selecting a post and reading only a paragraph from that entry.

Now, I'm not saying I won the game or anything, but I did remember writing each and every thing he read to me, what I was feeling when I wrote it and why it was being written.

After we got off the phone I decided to peruse the archives myself, something I've done maybe twice. Wow. I can hear myself talking and remember the exact things I was thinking at the time as I read the old posts. I have got to say, I am actually pretty thankful I've had this thing for so long. Sometimes I don't take it seriously at all. Brian asked me if I had looked into backing the information up somehow, so that nothing would ever destroy it. I laughed at first, but then thought.. "maybe there's something to that."

This blog, though it is often discussing surface-level topics, is indeed a window into my past, present and somehow even my future. Granted it isn't in "dear diary" style and hardly contains my 'deepest darkest secrets,' I still get to peek into what I was going through and thinking about at a specific time over the past several years, if even frivolous. If the topic is of emotional seriousness to me, I often write in code, so as not to be blatant about what is upsetting me or I'm feeling (one of those "names are changed to protect the innocent" things). But when I look back on these posts I know exactly what I was talking about, even if I'm speaking in metaphors and examples so as not to publicly display my insides.

Looking back on these past entries helped me remember to not sweat the small stuff. One of the excerpts Brian read to me from my own blog was from an entry titled "hot plate" I believe. In that post I discussed how I always am tempted to touch a hot plate if a waiter brings food to the table and says "now be careful, this plate is very hot." Against better judgment and a warning from someone who should be trusted.. I touch the hot plate anyway just to see for myself. I told Brian that when I wrote that, I was deeply upset about someone who hurt me emotionally. I remember exactly what I was feeling and I can recall that the metaphor symbolized, to me, that though I had been warned about this person, I proceeded forward anyway so I could find out for myself. Like touching a hot plate you JUST were told is hot, I needed to get physically burned before I wanted to believe it was true. Sometimes that's the best way, to find out for yourself. We can't have other's make a decision for us, even if they know the 'plate is hot.' The interesting thing is, however, I don't even remember who the person was!

Somehow this made me feel very comforted tonight. A reminder that, a few years down the road, the things that seem so troubling at the present, so HUGE right now, wont even matter. Sure, I'll remember feeling bad about it. If reminded of a situation in a game of "Name That Blog Post" I will recall the situation in a very "oooh yeahhhh!!" kind of way. But in all actuality I may not even remember the names of the key players (case and point: "hot plate." I can't remember the name of the person I was referencing!).

We're resilient, us human beings.

Sure, some things we never get over, but for every sadness that seems so giant in that moment, our lives will be blessed with a hundred little happinesses that make us slowly forget that we ever felt a pang of hurt.

Like driving away from a bad situation and watching it get smaller and smaller in your rear-view mirror, the details surrounding circumstances that are currently so difficult will soon fade into a spec-sized memory as we hurdle towards our future. Along the way passing a million joys that make life so very worth living. After all, when I went back and read some of these archived blog posts of mine, it was the happy stories that I recalled with the most vivid memory. So vivid that I could almost taste the moment again. And the sad ones? Well, upon revisiting them they barely had any flavor at all.

Float on,
M.db

Cheers

I complain often that in my neighborhood, up and down one street in particular, the only businesses lining the street are Asian restaurants and dry cleaners. At one intersection, no exaggerating, there are 4 dry cleaners. One on each corner. WTF is the need for that? Needless to say when I saw a new business going in about a block from my place I predicted it to be one of the following things: A dry cleaner (obviously), a Thai restaurant, a sushi restaurant, a Chinese restaurant.. and you get the picture. I love Asian food and I also appreciate a finely pressed dress shirt as well, but it was just time for a new kid on the block. There is no need for that much of one kind of thing.

MUCH to my surprise and happiness a little pub made its way into the space that was once occupied by a dry cleaner (not even joking). For a while they didn't even have the sign up that listed the bar's name. I proclaimed it would become my own personal "Cheers." I now have no less than 12 people calling it "Cheers," and it is in fact a place where everybody knows my name. Well, okay like 4 people who work there know my name.

Don't get me wrong I don't hang out in the bar all day like the characters from the 80's sitcom "Cheers," but I definitely don't hesitate to leave home about 15 minutes early for dinner plans, for example, to have a quick beer at Cheers and chat with the bartender for a bit. Everyone is always very friendly and the place has a more neighborhood feel than most seem to in this area. Plus, they play pretty good music. A couple of days ago I popped in for a quick beer before I headed to dinner and the bartender had a play list going that consisted of popular songs that were covered by Irish artists. All of the music was fairly mellow and acoustic sounding. I even asked the bartender what album the songs were from so I could come home and download some of them later. One song in particular had such great lyrics and I couldn't seem to place in my mind who originally sang the song. The vocalist was a male and the lyrics were so heartfelt and pretty. Finally it hit me. I had been mesmerized by a song originally sang by Britney Spears.

Oh well, it sounded damn good in the form of a Damien Rice-esque Irish acoustical performance. Who knew Britney Spears had a couple songs out there that could be covered by someone else and actually come across as serious?

I'm thoroughly enjoying the songs I downloaded and have put them on my iPod play list under the name "Cheers." They include such greats as Seven Nation Army, No Diggity, Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For and many more.

Enjoy your evening... and Cheers!
M.db

V.day

No posting lately means I haven't felt very creative. boo.

Kimberly was in town for a job interview a couple of weeks ago and stayed with me which was awesome. February hasn't exactly been my month. Wahhh, woe is me, right? Nah, nothing terrible but it was so good to have a close old friend here within arms reach while considering how blah I've felt this month! Then, her outbound flight got canceled due to weather so we got a full extra day to hang out together that wasn't even planned! Thanks mother nature!

We've had such bad weather this winter, seems like it's constantly snowing and 4 degrees (which actually was the high the other day, for real).

A few days after Kimberly left, I popped over to NYC to visit lauren for the weekend. That was also a very fun and needed get together! 100% easy going chill-out time. We didn't do a single tourist thing, which was actually a request/demand of mine. All I wanted to do was do what we would if we lived in the same city. In case you're wondering what those things we would do if we lived in the same city are, here is a sampling: laugh, watch TV, drink and eat good food. We did all of those things. So much laughter. I came back to Chicago feeling very refreshed after K's trip to Chicago and my visit to NYC.

Today is Valentine's Day so ... happy whatever to ya. I actually am going to dinner with my friend Alissa and her parent's. Her mom and dad are in town to see a show downtown and have an evening on the town so they invited Alissa and myself to dinner before they hit up the theater. Very nice of them. 5pm romantic meal with my friend and her parents. Ha ha. But! Honestly I can't think of something I'd rather do, I love them and also pretty much love the restaurant we're going to so BOO-ya. Take that Valentines day!

What am I even talking about? Like I said, not a lot to report but I thought I'd throw the blog a bone. I'll be back with a good story in no time.

Happy V.Day,
M.db

Choices

I always think it would be so awesome if as adults we could react to things the way children do. Simple and extremely emotional.

I was driving down the street the other day and saw a family walking along the sidewalk. The youngest child was practically flailing her body as she walked along and it was so obvious she was upset and frustrated. It's so great, as if all emotions are expressed physically and out loud.

As a kid, if you get frustrated, you stomp as you walk and scream as you speak. If a baby wants something, he will wail. I'd love to be able to do that. I was at Circuit City yesterday getting very impatient while they looked in the stock room for close to 30 minutes for one of the items I purchased. I started to feel the child in me trying to come out. I was sort of pacing the floor as the minutes passed, thiking about how they had JUST sold me something they SAID they had in stock and now I'm spending my WHOLE night at Circuit City! I wanted to flail my body while I paced along the floor and mumble things like "uuugghhhhh! iiii wannnnnntttt itttttttttt.. What's TAKING SO LOOOONNNNG."

In the end they didn't have the item they sold me. I was forced to go pick it up at another Circuit City a few miles away. I was irritated and thought to myself "wouldn't it be great if I could react like a child and just start screaming, kicking and crying at them?" I wanted to.


Speaking of kids, and it's been said before, but they really do "say the darndest things."
There's a lot of simplistic and conventional wisdom that can come out of a child's mind and subsequently out of their mouth. They don't even know they're making so much sense by saying something so straight forward.

Kimberly has two little boys who are, by the way, the most precious mini-humans I think I've ever encountered. Like most parents, she obviously reinforces certain things in their lives related to manners and behavior. One of the things she often says to both Luka and Jonah is "make good choices" in order to remind them to do or not to do certain things. I don't have a specific example for you but I imagine if one of them was misbehaving or acting up Kimberly might remind them that "we make good choices." She told me the other day that Luka was in a particularly upset mood and when she said "Luka, remember, we make GOOD choices.." he simply looked at her and replied "Mommy, I don't WANT good choices!"

Just one example of how a 3 year old can say something that is so basic yet easily describes how we, as adults, feel at times. Often I want to kick my feet and have a physical reaction to my distress, like a child might do. Other times I want to just scream in public out of frustration. Some situations make us want to just fall asleep for a nap in the middle of the day. And, as related to Luka, we often just don't WANT good choices in the face of certain situations. When the mood permits, I think Luka is right.. sometimes it's okay to just not WANT good choices.

Last night I didn't want good choices. I went to Circuit City, whipped out my Visa, and bought a new flat-screen TV for my bedroom, some surround sound speakers and a wall mount for the new flat-screen. I had no business spending the money on any of this stuff. After, as I described, they searched the back room for half of what they sold me yet didn't actually have in stock, I wanted to kick and scream rather than drive to another Circuit City to pick the purchases up.

And as I pulled into Circuit City number 2 I felt a bit guilty for the slightly irresponsible and spontaneous purchases I had just made. I unnecessarily spent money I don't have at the moment and that seemed like a 'bad choice.' But then I thought about Luka. I eased my buyer's remorse and said to myself as I parked the car: "whatever, I don't want good choices right now."

M.db