Aeronautical Germs

I cringe at the statistics you hear about household germs and those reports you see on TV showing just how dirty hotel bed comforters really are or when the reporter takes a black light to your kitchen and reveals that there is leftover bacteria from raw chicken EVERYWHERE. I suppose it's something to be aware of but I hate the idea of having to worry about one more thing. It is probably more accurate for me to say that I wish I didn't ever hear these statistics or see the reports in the first place because ignorance is bliss and, after all, these things haven't killed me. In fact they may have even made me stronger for all I know, possibly built my tolerance if you will. That's what a flu shot is, right? It IS a dose of the flu so that when the flu actually DOES come your way your body is like "been there, done that." So yeah, I just may be immune to the Holiday Inn at this point.

So this one report I heard said that you should always close the lid to your toilette before flushing because germs can fly out of the pot for up to ____ feet (I think it was like 18 or something crazy) and land anywhere from your toothbrush to your face or inside your mouth if you're a mouth breather or you yawn a lot after peeing. That last one I just assumed to be true, and why not. And herein lies the reason that I wish I could be ignorant to these facts/reports/scare-tactics: because I NEVER seem to forget them and will reference them in my mind every time I'm in the kitchen, bathroom, wallowing on the comforter at a roadside motel (no), etc.

I enjoy my morning coffee in the shower. It's what I do. I love hot showers and jacuzzi baths and anything that involves me standing or sitting still while hot water is all around me. It's relaxing. And so is coffee. So the two combine together is a blissful experience. Besides, the sheer efficiency of doing both morning routines together makes sense. We'll talk about the fact that I brush my teeth in the shower at a later date but it, too, is an efficient way to kill two birds with one stone. The point of this ramble is that I have a hard time with the coffee, toilette-to-mug proximity, and these germs that perform aerial acrobatics out of the commode every time I flush it. I mean if I pee before I shower, do I run out of the room with my coffee the second I push down on that lever like I've just lit a firecracker and I am taking shelter from the explosion?

If all of these statistics about how dirty our lives REALLY are and what ACTUALLY goes on 'behind the kitchen door' at restaurants are true, well.. so be it. I've only gotten food poisoning twice, I've never gotten crabs from a hotel (knock on wood), and I'm still doing pretty okay in the health department even though sometimes I flush the toilette with the lid open while my haz-mat suit happens to be at the cleaners and I'm therefore not wearing it. I think a good rule of thumb is "don't be disgusting." Clean up after yourself, throw some bleach on your durable surfaces here and there (maybe on your jeans, too, if it's 1985) and kind of don't worry about the rest.

I, unfortunately, can't take my own advice and will probably still clean my kitchen sink until my hands are raw after I've cut up a chicken breast, will still worry a little bit about the fact that I just peed while my coffee was sitting on the bathroom counter and if you ever go into a restroom at the movie theater and see a guy holding his soft drink as high as he can over his head while he is belly up to the urinal, well.. say hello because it's probably me. Wait 'til I'm done peeing AND done flushing though. For starters, because it would be weird otherwise and B). you don't want to be opening your mouth to say hello at the precise moment I flush and those germs get all Cique du Soleil on us.

Good day,
M.db