YOUR FOOD IS READY

I sometimes think about the silliest of things. One of them being the fact that it is someone's job, somewhere, to dictate what the readout will say on my microwave's digital display when the cooking cycle is complete. Told ya I think about silly things. Along the same lines- labels on the inside of your clothes that list washing instructions; someone wrote that. Someone spell checked it to make sure it didn't say "machin wash" with an 'e' missing or something. It was someone's job to phrase it properly and decide how to word it. The stitching on your car's floor-mat, someone decided where it would say "BMW" on that mat and in what font and size. There's a design for everything, a process of checks and balances in place for every minor detail of every product's wording and appearance before it is released into the public. Someone typed it, someone proof-read it, someone's boss approved it. Nothing has been published or printed on anything we see in our daily lives that didn't intentionally get thought out and I find that so interesting. Somewhere in the world there is a person who was either directly or indirectly responsible for the way 'Push Here,' 'Twist to Open,' 'Remove Before Use' and a million other phrases appear on our products/belongings.

When I microwave something the digital display reads "Your Food Is Ready" after the heating cycle is complete. Secretly this irks me. Why does it assume I'm heating up FOOD?! Sometimes I'm re-heating my coffee. What if I've placed one of those heat packs for sore muscles in the microwave? But back to my original point, this had to be programmed. Someone out there had to design the digital pixels (or... whatever they are possibly called) to spell out "Your Food Is Ready" in the robot-font that is digital text. Who decided it would say that?! Assuming it's always "food" that is "ready" is funny to me. I own it, I'm bizarre. I think about it every time though. Someone had to decide they wanted it to say that particular phrase and I dare say it's quite presumptious.




And then I saw a microwave that was even more entertaining than mine. I was in another person's kitchen and happened to notice that after the heating cycle was complete, this particular microwave simply states "GOOD" across the screen. I almost laughed out loud.



"GOOD" No further explanation. Just "GOOD." As in.. "All is well here. things are good. cycle complete. good" What does it mean?!

"GOOD! Glad that's over with" ?
"GOOD! You get to eat now" ?
"I did GOOD, I heated up some stuff" ?
"I'm still working.. GOOD" ?
"Whatever is inside is gonna taste GOOD" ?

There's someone out there who decided "GOOD" needed to be displayed on that screen.

GOOD,
M.db

Don't cost a DIME

I was walking home from the grocery store and pondering finances, as it seems most people are in this age of Obamanomics. I actually was making a list in my head of things that are free. "Going to the gym is free, why am I not in amazing shape?" I thought. And "taking a hot shower is free(ish)," etc. Well the "why is everything complicated expression" must have been written all over my face because as I passed a seemingly homeless man he ironically said "aint nothin wrong with a smile, ya know."

A few seconds earlier as I was approaching him and he started to speak to me I had expected him to ask me for something (read: money). It would have been the third time on that very walk that I was asked for change by someone so don't blame me for profiling. In this city I have learned to look straight ahead and respond with either nothing or "sorry." But I was caught off guard by his words so instead of nothing or "sorry" I did smile as I passed by, because he was right. There really isn't anything wrong with a smile. And as I smiled and walked away he noticed my changed expression and yelled out for the entire block to hear "see! SEE! Now THAT'S what I'm talkin' about people, that shit don't cost a DIME!" and laughed as he, himself, smiled. I smiled even bigger, but this time I made sure to turn back around so he could see it.

His words weren't eloquently spoken but they were poignant. There I was, shuffling my feet along the sidewalk with my head down with thoughts like "if it's not one thing it's another" or "mo' money, mo' problems' (ha! pop-culture-song reference) and this man who seemingly had nothing reminded me, in so few words, that nothing can't be smiled through. I had literally just been making a list of things that were free so I could save some cash and not be so down about it and had left off one of the most important things.

And see? SEE!? That's what *I'M* talking about people. That's some good and needed advice from an unexpected source. And that shit? That shit don't cost a DIME!

Smile,
M.db

Update: WiFi names

re: the post titled WiFi a couple months back, I actually recently came across a funny WiFi name that I referenced in that post and this time I took a screen-shot of it on my phone. Someone in or around the Chicago Bagel Authority restaurant on Armitage has not only a WiFi network but a sense of humor, too.



M.db

Aeronautical Germs

I cringe at the statistics you hear about household germs and those reports you see on TV showing just how dirty hotel bed comforters really are or when the reporter takes a black light to your kitchen and reveals that there is leftover bacteria from raw chicken EVERYWHERE. I suppose it's something to be aware of but I hate the idea of having to worry about one more thing. It is probably more accurate for me to say that I wish I didn't ever hear these statistics or see the reports in the first place because ignorance is bliss and, after all, these things haven't killed me. In fact they may have even made me stronger for all I know, possibly built my tolerance if you will. That's what a flu shot is, right? It IS a dose of the flu so that when the flu actually DOES come your way your body is like "been there, done that." So yeah, I just may be immune to the Holiday Inn at this point.

So this one report I heard said that you should always close the lid to your toilette before flushing because germs can fly out of the pot for up to ____ feet (I think it was like 18 or something crazy) and land anywhere from your toothbrush to your face or inside your mouth if you're a mouth breather or you yawn a lot after peeing. That last one I just assumed to be true, and why not. And herein lies the reason that I wish I could be ignorant to these facts/reports/scare-tactics: because I NEVER seem to forget them and will reference them in my mind every time I'm in the kitchen, bathroom, wallowing on the comforter at a roadside motel (no), etc.

I enjoy my morning coffee in the shower. It's what I do. I love hot showers and jacuzzi baths and anything that involves me standing or sitting still while hot water is all around me. It's relaxing. And so is coffee. So the two combine together is a blissful experience. Besides, the sheer efficiency of doing both morning routines together makes sense. We'll talk about the fact that I brush my teeth in the shower at a later date but it, too, is an efficient way to kill two birds with one stone. The point of this ramble is that I have a hard time with the coffee, toilette-to-mug proximity, and these germs that perform aerial acrobatics out of the commode every time I flush it. I mean if I pee before I shower, do I run out of the room with my coffee the second I push down on that lever like I've just lit a firecracker and I am taking shelter from the explosion?

If all of these statistics about how dirty our lives REALLY are and what ACTUALLY goes on 'behind the kitchen door' at restaurants are true, well.. so be it. I've only gotten food poisoning twice, I've never gotten crabs from a hotel (knock on wood), and I'm still doing pretty okay in the health department even though sometimes I flush the toilette with the lid open while my haz-mat suit happens to be at the cleaners and I'm therefore not wearing it. I think a good rule of thumb is "don't be disgusting." Clean up after yourself, throw some bleach on your durable surfaces here and there (maybe on your jeans, too, if it's 1985) and kind of don't worry about the rest.

I, unfortunately, can't take my own advice and will probably still clean my kitchen sink until my hands are raw after I've cut up a chicken breast, will still worry a little bit about the fact that I just peed while my coffee was sitting on the bathroom counter and if you ever go into a restroom at the movie theater and see a guy holding his soft drink as high as he can over his head while he is belly up to the urinal, well.. say hello because it's probably me. Wait 'til I'm done peeing AND done flushing though. For starters, because it would be weird otherwise and B). you don't want to be opening your mouth to say hello at the precise moment I flush and those germs get all Cique du Soleil on us.

Good day,
M.db